So today, well, actually for about a month or two now I have been having realisations. The severity of my anxiety and problems has not got better, or changed, but I feel like I am finally opening my eyes after being blind to the intensity of my problems for so long. It's not that I didn't know I had problems; it's that I didn’t know the extent of them and felt hopeless and unmotivated.
I think before I was still in the process of getting worse, and in some ways I think hitting rock bottom- and staying there, allows you to observe your situation while you are stationary. At that point, everything is so awful, (or at least feels so awful) and you start to realise that you can't go through life passively, waiting for life to get worse, or magically improve. No change, for better or for worse, made me see exactly what I needed to do to improve my life; the things I was so unhappy with were going to stay that way unless I initiated a change.
So, feeling unhappy and hopeless ironically can be the motivation you need to make the positive changes you need. I also feel that after my life has become progressively worse I can identify triggers, causes, symptoms and have gained a better perspective of my problems, which will hopefully allow me to make the correct steps towards some kind of happiness.
I'm not saying people should sit and wait for their anxiety and/or other problems to reach maximum severity before they attempt to change their life, but I have seen and heard that this is a pattern that seems to be reoccurring in a lot of people's lives. I just think that it is reassuring that rock bottom doesn't have to where you stay, and you can change your life. If you want it bad enough, and can identify your problems, you have to ability to make positive changes.
I am trying to be healthier, so I look and feel better, I am motivating myself to do the things I am good at and enjoy, I am doing CBT and still looking into different things I can do to improve my physical and mental health.
Don’t worry! I’m not ‘cured’! Nor have I started going out with friends more or made behavioural steps towards stopping this anxiety, it’s not that easy. But I think that any positive steps that will make me feel better and more productive are bound to help improve my self esteem and anxiety. If I do this alongside gradual behavioural changes, in my opinion I can’t fail.
In other people’s opinion maybe I can?! But taking steps back is NOT an option.
I just have to make sure I commit to this, what helps me is that now I can see, and I know more than ever it will be worth it in the end.
- I have just realised how much I say unmotivated! Posh excuse for lazy!! Oh dear. :)
