I have been having CBT, and in one session I started talking about how I dread certain situations, and how my anxiety is so high and mood is so low that I wouldn't enjoy any social situation anyway.
Whilst I was talking I realised a pattern- if I want to do something I'm not anxious- but obviously most things I DO NOT want to do anymore- due to potential anxiety. Therefore I only do things I feel forced into, and I do them reluctantly.
So I thought: if I tell myself I want to go to the pub, or go to college etc then I wont be so anxious- it would be my choice, and it would be in my control.
(I am usually cynical about people having the ability to 'talk themselves out of anxiety/negative thoughts', and I don't usually believe you can trick yourself into thinking something you don't truely feel).
So after over a year of basically doing NOTHING unless practically forced, I decided to go on public transport (BIG DEAL) to going shopping with a friend, and then when invited to a bar afterwards with her and other people that I didn't know (which I would usually say no to). I agreed. I told myself it would be fun, and even if I say nothing and just sit there, at least I am doing something, at least I am, on some level, interacting with other people.
So I went, and although it started off a bit slow, I had quite a good time; despite negative thoughts and a depressive mood trying to push it's way into my head on several occasions, I ignored the thoughts and concentrated on what was really happening.
Ever since then, I have contacted relatives, friends I havn't seen in a long time, and friends I usually drag into my safety situations, asking if they want to go out.
I went out for a meal in a very crowded enclosed resturant with my family yesterday, and I now have plans to go out friday night, and I am looking forward to other days and nights out.
I have also been going out shopping, or walking on my own, just to be around people and be outside.
These situations are difficult for me, I still feel anxiety but I reduce it by telling myself I am control, and I have a choice. But I will openly admit, they are not the worst triggers. But as things get easier, which they will, as I carry on with these changes, I will gradually tackle more difficult situations.
I am genuinely shocked at how I can dread a situation and fear a situation so much that I will usually avoid it, and then alter my own feelings and perceptions of the dreaded event so that I want to be there, I want to get involved and I want to ignore my addictive habit of self doubt and negativity.
I'm unsure whether this will be something obvious that a lot of you have realised already, and have tried, or whether it will be a revelation that you will hopefully find useful. I know it sounds simple, and possibly won't be news to you, but this technique has really helped me so far, and I intend to do as much as I can, even if my anxiety tells me I shouldn't, it's ok, because I WANT TO.
Persistance pays off, and belief in your power to change your thoughts and anxiety prolonging behaviour will ultimately change your current situation for the better.
